As I've indicated before, most travelling door to door encyclopedia salesmen (silently) quit after their first road trip, never to be seen again (by us, that is, and what else matters?). There were a lot of these one-trippers in my six months "inside", and most have been forgotten to the mists of time.
The only one my mind occasionally still turns to is the one who I always thought of as Steven Seagal, to the extent that that's the only name I have for him today. He was a very serious young man in his early 20s. Steven felt like he was living life as the hero in a Bruce Lee movie. He was a black belt in karate (a fact nobody could know him for 5 minutes without learning). He was a pacifist; all he wanted was to live a quiet dignified life and bring love an harmony to everyone, but dammit people kept making him fight!
Every story from him was the same. Yadda yadda peace hope love, yadda yadda coupla dicks wanting to start trouble, yadda yadda I tried to defuse the situation, yadda yadda they kept *pushin' man, they just kept pushin', yadda yadda **I beat the crap outta them man, it took me like 30 seconds and they just couldn't friggin' believe it! They were both down on the ground, completely in awe, and ***I just wish it didn't have to be that way.
We were in a bar one night having a beer after work. The place was pretty packed and Mr. Seagal and I were at a little table right in the middle of everyone. A slightly wobbly gentleman walked by and accidentally jostled our slightly wobbly table, making Steven's beer slosh inside his mug a little. A drop or two might have made it onto the table. Steven got up, put his hand on Mr. Wobbly's shoulder, and said "It's OK man. It's OK!" He nodded to emphasize how OK it was and how the wobbleman didn't have to fear the wrath of Steven Seagal. Because Steven Seagal only wants peace. I had to put a hand over my mouth to stifle laughter at so much earnest seriousness over what should have been a non-event. I wouldn't have wanted to make him angry.
Well, we eventually made it back to Vancouver, another road trip over, and Steven Seagal melted into the night like so many other one-trippers before him. I guess it was just time for him to move on, you know.
* Crescendo
** Climax!
*** Denouement
Monday, March 21, 2011
2 comments:
A couple of important points if you wish to comment:
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did he have a nasty ponytail too?
ReplyDeleteI'll just leave it to your imagination.
ReplyDelete